smiling when im away / Acky Atkinson (mate) well mate its time to go back over. as you use to say to filp flop land it will be three times now and to day we had a church serv and at the end the parda said to think of the past well i did and you and ginge come to mind who is going to be there this time to keep us all with a smile telling about the good things that you got up to and the bad mate this time round you will be missed by all the regt you not being there a good bloke and a member of the clan mate you are in a better place [i hope ] hopefully not too soon. but to see and to joke with you again git face. i will see you but not to soon mate do us all a faver and look over us all mate and keep all your mate safe acky
Saw u today / Amy (Cousin) hey cous, i saw u today was watching my mums wedding video with memo, and i saw u satting there in ur orange shirt and tie with ur wedged hair u looked hot lol, I miss everything all of us used to have, Our family isnt the same anymore dean, we all miss you so so much. We always thinking of you and we always wishing and dreaming that we can see u doing your cheeky little things and seeing u winde up nan and bamp. Your mum and dad miss u so much, we are all trying our hardest to look after them, i know u wouldnt want them to be upset but its hard for them u know that dont u, Just wish i can see u dean and none of this happend to u, Why us huh ? why from our family? Dean let us know ur ok, We love u and miss u so much dean and i can tell u this thousands and thousands time, YOU ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN, NEVER
I've just found the site and as im looking through it i started to cry. To know such a good bloke i will never forget him. To know dean well what can i say.. I remeber when he first got to the regt a young lad full of himself At the time i was the regt provo cpl so i had alot to do with dean as he became a part of the fixtures down the gaurd room. Hopefully i had some thing to do with making him the man that he became within the regt, army ways. 5 things about dean that i will never forget. 1. The man that could make you tell him off but with a smile 2. The man that could get in a fix and could all ways get out of it [some times] 3. The man that could all ways make you laugh on your bad days 4. The man that was all ways there for you good or bad 5. The man that had to have the last word but could all ways walk away leaving smiling Dean you was a great bloke to know a credit to your mum and dad you will all ways be in my thoughts mate paul [acky]
so very sad / Paula hi dean, everytime i think of you, my eyes fill up and my heart hurts with pain. david and dean talk about you and steven and all the things you got up to in cornwall. they remember polkerris harbour the pair of you were always egging each other on to do things. your mum and me always used to say that i shouldn't have called my dean after you as he has got your ways etc. he will do anything for a laugh, anything. the other night david betting him to run round the block where we live with nothing on only a red thong, it was about 1.30am and well dean being dean (like you) had to do it. it was only for a couple of quid. anyway david took pictures of him in his thong and kept it on his phone. dean tried to get back in but david wouldnt open the door to him. dean said he was freezing cold. i thought of you. coz he is so much like you in his ways his cheeky ways etc. my dean doesn,t care what he wears what he looks like what he says or what he does as he say this is me mum. your mum must have been right, it is the name as he is so much like you, ever since he was small your mum used to say, he is exactly like dean. you will never be forgotten dean as you left your mark with everyone that meet you. we will never forget you we cant as our dean is here to remind us of you in every way.
sleep tight mate love you paula xxxxxxxxx
Eight Months / Mam Today eight months ago you left us so suddenly. That day changed our lives for ever. There is a huge black cloak that envelopes us and a gargantuan hole in our lives that can never be filled. Every minute of every day I think about you and wonder where you are. How did my maternal instinct fail me and not warn me of the impending doom we were about to face? I know that you would want me to 'move forward' with my life, but I am finding it difficult. When you love someone as much as I loved you the hurt and sense of loss goes much deeper. If I had one wish, it would be that you were back here watching your daughter grow up, even if it meant me sacrificing my life for that to happen. I miss your sharpness, wit, intelligence and whacky sense of humour. I just miss your whole being. Life on Walton's mountain is not the same anymore... I love you. Mam xxxxx
poem for u big cous / Amy (little cousin ) If i could have my wishes, if wishes did come true, i would wish for hapiness, and a long full life for you.
I would wish for laughter, and fill your life with song, Then ask for peace and joy and love, To Follow you all day long.
Then i would ask for peaceful rest, just to see your face shine so bright, Dawn shimmering and bright.
I would ask for nothing, to give back to myself, As long as you are happy, I want for nothing else.
For just to see contentment, On your face and know you're fine; Would truly satisfy me, and bring joy to this heart of mine.
If i could have my wishes, If wishes did come true, I'd wish for the sun, moon and the stars, And i'd give them all to you.
Miss u and love you dee dee, the poem says it all. Keep smiling on me like i know u r, Love Me Me X
girls night in! / Leah,leanne&blonde (friend) gemma, were sat here havin one of the usual girly nights as the lads are away training for the gulf. By now you would have had us getting the twister board out but it just isnt the same without you so instead were sat talking about all the good times we had. i could really do with you here, as usual leah and blonde are sat giggling.. come and save me NOW! Do you remember how annoying and noisey they were sat in the back of my car whenever we went out, you were always the one to sort them out!! The boys are really missing dean especially with the gulf coming up- they could really do with his humour to lighten the mood but to us girls we could really do with your sharp whit and bossiness to get us all going again and to keep us on the straight and narrow. We just want you to know that you are missed more than you could imagine and are never far from our thoughts. keep in touch and if kaitlyn gets too chopsy send her over for her hol's! xxx the girlsxxx
Hello Daddy! / Kaitlin (Daughter) Me and Nanny are sat here looking at your photos. We wish you were here and miss you very much. I am growing very fast and everyone says that I look like you. They also say that I have your ways. I am sometimes cheeky and always love to have my own way! I like to dance, Mammy and Stephen says that I am going to be a Hardcore Raver, because I love dance music! Nanny says that I am not, that she is going to send me to Ballet classes! I love to chat to Nanny Betty and Bampy on the phone. Ollie (Hollie) lets me play with her pink phone. Hollie says that I am going to be a Pink Barbie Girl when I grow up! I have lots of love and kisses off everyone and Nanny Betty always squashes me. I will write again soon Daddy. Love and Miss you loads. Love and Kisses Kaitlin xx
Ron and Sara's Wedding / Mam
Yesterday we attended Ron and Sara's Wedding. It was the first time we have attended that same registry office since you were married there. I had wound myself up dreading how I was going to feel sitting there remembering yours and Gemma's day. As I sat listening to the vows being exchanged, my thoughts drifted to that day. I remember seeing you standing there, waiting for Gemma to arrive. I saw this handsome gorgeous young man all dressed in a blue uniform trying to look manly and mature. When really in my eyes was my youngest Son getting married, nervous and unaware of the huge commitment he was making. I remember biting my lip not to cry. Thank God you did, because you may never have experienced the feelings of having your very own little family unit. More than that I may have never had my beautiful granddaughter Kaitlin. Thank you so much for giving her to us, she is a star just like you are. You would have been so proud of me, I managed to keep the mask well fixed and only took it off when I came home. We had a lovely party afterwards, you would be proud to know that Reg kicked off towards the end of the night! You know how you squaddies are after a few Beers! (1 can Van Damm). Gerald did his normal party tricks, too rude to put on here, but you know what they are!! And Dad......Well Dad being bestman forgot the rings! All in all we had a nice time. But I wish you were here as I know I would have had an even better time. Miss and Love you so much. Love Mam xxxx
Hello My boy / Mam Well, tonight Dean we have been out with the usual gang. I have had a bad day today. I have cried on and off for most of the day. I keep wondering where you are. Can you see us? Are you watching over us? Why don't you give us a sign? I desperately need to see you. I just feel this is not real that I am not writing on my sons memorial website. I Miss you so much it's unreal, I want you back safe in our arms. You should now be in the RAF or going to Iraq. Oh God why did you have to leave us......I miss and love you so much. Love and kisses Mam xxxxx
Scott's Email / Mam &. Dad hello maria, well its been a while since we last spoke so I thought id drop u a line to make sure everything and everyone is ok and keeping well. Me and garath went to where Dean died at x-mas and planted a tree 4 him and every one that knew him. Me and gareth miss him loads as do all the boys we miss him at work and when were drinking in the house and when we go to the bar our world isnt the same with out him. Well we are going to iraq again in april so stay in touch please dont drift to far away give nick my best and we will meet up for that beer 1 day in the near future
all my love wish u both the best for the future
SCOTTY
Valentines Day 2006 / Mam &. Dad Roses are Red Violets are Blue How have we lost a son As precious as you? The moon shining brightly The stars so high Why did it have to be you to tragically die? I wish we could Kiss you and hold your face Hold you forever So no one could take.
Missing you on this Valentines day and the 7 months anniversary of the day you went away...... xxxxxxx
missed you yesterday / Jessica Price (niece) hi uncle dean it was my 8th birthday yesterday and all day i thought of you i wanted to ring you up so you could sing happy birthday to me like you have in the past but i know you where watching me and i liked that beacuse i know im safe like your family are theres lots of things i would like to tell you i had but my hands are hurting now so ill leave that to you because you would know anyway love you always and forever jessica x x x
Our Trip / Mam Hello Son, I know you can't read this, but sometimes it helps to write things down. Me, Aunty Tracey, Emma, Gemma and Hollie went on a trip to New York last week. Inspite of everything and the feeling of not wanting to go we had a lovely time. You were never very far from my thoughts. The day we went up the Empire State Building I surveyed the amazing views and tears fellsilently down my face. I wondered if you could see what I could see, that thought pleased me. The thought that you can never experience anything anymore really is out of my grasp. We went on a ride around Central Park. We saw all the sites of films, the towers in Ghostbusters (remember the sweatshirt you had). We also went to the bridge where the 'birdwoman' use to live in Home Alone, and also the Plaza hotel where Kevin stayed while looking for his parents. You and Steve loved that film. I remember taking you to the Cinema to see it. You would sit and watch the video over and over again. We lit a candle for you in St patrick's Catherdral on 5th Avenue, it was so sad. One morning having Breakfast Eminem's latest song came on the video screen the words really upsets me and I found myself trying not to get hysterical, it was so hard not to. I think it's because I can hear you saying the same words....
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain Just smile back.
I so wish that I could hear your voice telling me that, but I won't will I? I missed Kaitlin while we were away, in just a week she has grown so much. Nanny and Bampy looked after her. I know you would be pleased about that. She is so much like you Dean, I sometimes can't stop looking at her. I still can't comprehend that you are no longer here with us, the hopelessness and pain is so overwhelming....I miss you so much, I love you so much, I wish more than anything in the whole world that you were back here with us. Love Mam xxxxx
hey baby boy im home / Amy Kadir (my cousin ) hey dean sorry i didnt write on here for a bit. Well im home dean and Yes Memo is with me. Would of been nice if u had met him. I speak about u all the time he wishes he could of met u. I miss you so much dean, Been down Nannys todays Katlin is staying with nanny for a couple of days as my mum and your mum and gem and hollie and emma all gone to america. They be home tomorrow, So i was saying, i was down nannys with Katlin she absoultly amused with my ben. she was trying to say mehmets name shes nearly getting there love her she never forgets u shes always saying dada, When shes growing up i will tell her all our Cornwall storys since we was little.
well i got to go speak to u soon i love u
To Dean's family/wife/daughter----: / Emma (didn't know him personally )
I'd just like to say I am so sorry for your loss. I know words can't heal what you must be feeling, but I am stuck for anything else to say.
I lived in Osnabruck and had heard about the tragic accident.
I have looked at the site and I was really moved to read it, the love that you have for your son/brother/husband/Dad speaks volumes!
My Dad died suddenly in his sleep 7 years ago and I can say that even though the pain never goes away eventually you will realise that your loved one is still around in memories and spirit. It really helps to think that.
Once again I am so sorry and I hope the future holds lots of good times for your family.
you have such a beautiful family. The poem you wrote for Dean brought tears to my eyes and painted a lovely picture of him.
Reading his story, I was so pleased that he married Gemma (even though he wa so young!). He obviously experienced true love and happiness in having his own little family and what a lovely legacy he's left you all in Kaitlin.
You look so very proud of all of your children (and grandaughter) and I hope that the many happy beautiful memories of your time together will help to sustain you till you get to meet him once again.
Stay strong and take care Love Jackie xx
Your Birthday Celebrations / Mam
Until today I haven't been able to write about your 23rd birthday last week. For some reason we feel you will always be 22 to us. I am finding it difficult to comprehend that you were no longer alive to celebrate your birthday. I want to tell you about the day. We awoke to a glorious morning with Blue Skies and the Sun shining. Around Lunch time, Dad, Stephen, Hollie, Gemma, Kaitlin and myself drove down to the sea. Kaitlin was dressed in a Pink fur coat and Pink fur boots (told you I would get her barbified!). She looked amazing until she trotted off into a muddy puddle! We walked to a grassy point out into the sea. Dad and Steve had a can of lager each and toasted you. We all had the balloons ready and let them drift up into the blue sky. It was all very peaceful and serene except for one little thing.....your daughter! There was no way she was going to let go of the balloon, we let her keep it, I'm sure you wouldn't have minded. We drove back to the pub and met Nanny and Bampy. Tracey, Dai and Emma popped in too. We had a lovely meal. However as I looked around the table it was oh so evident that your presence was not there. You are so dreadfully missed. The profound sense of loss is so overwhelming and hard to bear. I can't believe that you are no longer here. I love you my baby boy or as I use to say 'mummy's little soldier'! I hope your happy wherever you are. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
our sons / Terri Crossland (TCF) Dear Maria, i've been on TCF today for the first time in about a year, i used to go on all the time and post, but for some reason i just stopped, i found it hard, but i met some lovely "friends". I went to the gathering in Cirencester last year and it was the best thing i could have done, im still in touch with some mums and we have all lost a son. I am so sorry for the loss of Dean and reading about your pain just makes me want to give you a big hug and to say it does get easier, but at the moment you can never imagine it will. i lost my only son Ben in 2003 and its only now that i can hold a conversation about him without crying my eyes out, but if i have had a glass of wine, thats another story!! I am sure you are so proud of your family , hang on to each other and cherish your lovely memories. My heart goes out to you, sincerely. Terri xxx
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